Round One - Day Two

Day two wasn't so bad. I've taken a few of my "as needed" nausea medication when I started to feel the slightest bit queasy, but only because the nurse said to do so at the first sign. I'm not sure I would have had a problem if I didn't take it.

I've also been tired today. I layed on the couch while mom made dinner (guilt) and went to bed at 8:00pm. Unfortunately Ty woke up screaming at 11:00pm so here I am unable to go back to sleep. Maybe I should take the sleep medicine, but I don't think this is chemo induced insomnia. This is "I've already had 3 hours sleep" insomnia. Thanks Ty.

I also came home to having all my laundry done for me. I could get used to this! Thank you mom!

My MRI results came back on Tuesday and unfortunately it wasn't totally clear as I was hoping. There is a small satellite nodule about 5mm from the original cancer and a spot light up in the upper right quadrant of my other breast so I get to go for another biopsy. Lucky me. But, they said that MRIs are very sensitive and young people have dense breasts so I'm hoping this is nothing. Fingers crossed!

Tomorrow is my first booster shot. I'm really hoping for another good day so I can visit friends tomorrow night for chocolate cake and wine. Yummy! Maybe I should ask mom to drive me so I can have two glasses of wine :)

Round One - Day One

Well, now I know what chemo feels like... it wasn't much of anything. I was anticipating it burning as it pumped into my veins or smoke coming out of my toes... or SOMETHING! But, I didn't even feel the needle going into my port. I didn't feel anything going into my body. Nothing. Nada. Zip. I guess that is good, but it was rather anti-climatic.

I still feel nothing. I may hit Target tonight. Why not??

I have to take steroids for the next three days which should keep me energetic and it might keep me up at night. And, I have to get a shot on Friday that may make me feel achy. Or, it may do nothing. No steroids on Sunday so that might be my first crash... or not. The most common answer to my questions is "everybody responds differently." I'm not good at not knowing.

The nurse confirmed that my hair IS going to fall out and I said I was expecting that in about 14 days. From the look and the "hmmm" she gave me I'm thinking I might not have that long. But, that is ok. I'm looking forward to it in a weird way. One of the biggest fears that I have right now is that I'm going to look better without hair! What a dilemma that will be when it starts to grow back!!

I've picked out two wigs this week. The first is named "Tory" and is a short bob, longer on the sides and short in the back. The other is "Annette" and looks like a longer version of my current hair... except better since it is shiny and thick!! Each morning I can decide who I'm going to be that day. You'd better watch out on "Tory" days... she's a bit sassy!

On Monday I went to a "Feel Good, Look Better" class on applying make-up during treatment. They taught me how to draw on eyebrows. This should be interesting.

Thank you all for the e-mails, cards, texts, flowers, books, inspirational stuff and most of all the support. I remember a teacher in grade school saying that she should have retired earlier so that she'd know how much everyone cared sooner. I'm kind of feeling the same way. I have a wonderful family, awesome friends, and co-workers who are more like friends. I don't think I knew how much care was out there a month ago. You are all the best and I love you.

Welcome Fall

We squeezed every minute out of this weekend!! We have left no minutes behind...

Yesterday was a bit crazy:

1. 8:30am - Flu shot appointment for both boys. Ryan was a trouper and didn't cry... he had a "I'd sock you if I could" look on his face, but he held it together. Tyler took them up on the mist.

2. 9:00am - I had my first facial!! It was heavenly... thank you Kelly for introducing me to the joys of the spa!

3. 10:00am - Open House at Day Care. Tyler rode the pony... again, went up in the fire truck bucket and picked out the "cleanest" pumpkin. Ryan was very suspicious and reluctant to go into any of the rooms. Poor kid.

4. 11:00am - Dan took Tyler to his bowling league. I took Ry home and made four small lasagnas. Yummy.

5. Dan escaped for the afternoon with a friend. I got the laundry done, organized Ryan's dresser, changed the sheets on the beds, and found time to finish my book.

It was a long day.

Today I did the grocery shopping in the morning and declared the rest of the day would be work-free. So, off to Brown's Berry Patch we went! And, some friends went too. What a great day! This was our second year visiting the patch and I really hope this is an annual event.

This place is awesome. I love the bounce pad (as much as the kids) and so did Ryan this year. Tyler was also a lot braver this time around. At one point I saw him sliding off the pad face first on purpose!

This place has it all. Live music, baked goods, tractors, a corn maize, a very cool playground, animals, a hay ride with actual hay and more!

There is a really neat slide that both boys wanted to do over and over again. Check out Ryan's face after a run with Daddy! Hopefully next year he can climb up by himself...

I love this picture. Getting both boys in one shot with smiles is rare. They're in the bottom of a wooden play structure shaped like a boat. Fun stuff!

I'm sure a number of the play items at this place are a safety hazard, but they're so much fun! Check this thing out...

At the end of our visit we spent some time in the apple orchard.

I hope these boys plan on eating all the apples they picked!

Thank you for a great day Farmer Brown!

See you next year!

A Good Day

We were at Roswell bright and early this morning to have a medi-port placed in my chest. Yup, they can plug me in now. I have to say I wasn't looking forward to it, but the procedure itself wasn't bad. I was only on the table for a few minutes and I didn't feel a thing. I'm sore now, but that is to be expected, right? I'm sure I'll be back to normal in a few days. In the meantime I'll enjoy not having to put the boys to bed...



While waiting for the MRI I received a call to let me know that my node biopsy and bone scan came back negative. Woo hoo! More evidence that this thing is contained and will be gone soon.



The MRI was an interesting experience complicated by my fresh port and having to lie on my stomach. In the end I survived and am very glad this day is over. More steps complete in my kick butt goal.



Wednesday will be a big day!

Telling Tyler

I've been stressing about sharing my news with Tyler, but that task is over and it really wasn't bad. We'll see what he comes up with next as I know his little brain is mulling over what he learned.

We agreed not to use the "C" word, not because it would have any meaning to him, but we were concerned about the reactions of others if he says something at school. Basically I told him that the doctors found something in my body that doesn't belong there and they have to get rid of it so I can be healthy. He asked how so I told him that first I would be getting medicine that is going to make it smaller, but that the medicine is going to make me tired and maybe a little cranky. I also told him that it was going to make my hair go away... isn't that silly!?! He found that funny. When I told him about fake hair he decided it must be made of plastic. I'm sure he's right. Dan jumped in and told Ty that we're going to need his help when I'm tired so Ty agreed to sort the laundry and help keep Ryan entertained plus his own self care. We'll see how that goes...

He asked some really good question about how the medicine is going to work and how they know that it is all gone so we talked about the surgery a little bit too. Then he told Dan and I that we should spend a lot of time together before I take my medicine. He is a sweet boy.

I am more determined than ever to not let this get in the way of my life as much as humanly possible. I do not want my boys to miss out on fun stuff or their mom even if it is only a few months. A five year old shouldn't sort laundry alone. We have 7 days to spend as much time together before I take my medicine! I think that is a great idea and see apple picking in our immediate future :)

Owen

Introducing my beautiful Godson, Owen!! Isn't he just perfect? Our family sure is lucky when it comes to babies... 6 so far and all gorgeous!

He was born on Sunday, September 12 and I drove out to see him yesterday just before he was a week old. What a special little guy.



Grandma thinks he's pretty special too. I wonder what it is like to hold the son of your youngest child?

Proud Daddy. Notice the outfit change? It was the same day... Mommy is doing a really great job nursing because Owen went through 3 outfits in as many hours. Go Mommy!!

Welcome to the family Owen. I can't wait to see you again!

Poked & Prodded

I spent a good chunk of today at Roswell. I found myself wandering from place to place in a bit of a daze, but that probably had more to do with my lack of a decent lunch than anything else. I am surprised at the amount of things that got done in a few hours.

Here's my list:

• Dropped my original sonogram and mammogram films off. Tyler will be happy that Mommy's pictures are out of the car so he can get out on the other side!!
• Found the phlebotomy lab and had blood drawn. Unfortunately my left arm wasn't cooperating so they decided to try another vein on the inside of my upper right arm. Ouch!
• Went to the nuclear medicine department and had an injection in a vein on the top of my right hand since both arms were already messed up. Ouch again! Add that to the flu shot in my upper left arm yesterday and I'm feeling like a pin cushion.
• Popped down to the health management department to drop off some paperwork. I can't believe they have a whole department just for form management!
• Then it was time for the ultrasound to place a tag in the tumor in case chemo does such a great job that it shrinks to nothing... here's hoping! This involved more pokes. It was kind of neat watching the needle go in on the screen. I got to see the tag on the mammogram picture. It looks like an open padlock. Cool stuff!
• As soon as the tag was in, they did a biopsy on the lymph node that the surgeon found under my left arm. The doctor said it looked like a normal lymph node to him, but we'll find out for sure by Wednesday. Those cells can be quite small. But, I have a lot of hope that this thing is contained.
• Back to nuclear medicine for a bone scan. They strapped me down, but overall it was fairly comfortable... enough to fall asleep, but just as I was about to, the platform or camera would move jolting me back awake! Darn, I could have used a quick cat nap.

Overall it was a productive afternoon.

I also got some great news this morning... the HER2 status of my cancer (I refuse to say MY status) is negative which means I won't need infusions for a year after chemo ends. Yay for me!

Finally, the first of the head coverings that I ordered came in. Here's Ryan sporting a chemo scarf! I hope I look half as good in it!

Things are certainly moving along. I am so glad I only have to go to Roswell one day next week. Woo hoo!

Kindergarten Update

Tyler has been in kindergarten for 7 days and so far has racked up 5 infractions!! Somehow I think we'll be getting a call from the teacher soon. Luckily the infractions are minor and with one exception, he's only had one per day.

On the first Thursday of school Tyler ran during a fire drill and took too long in the bathroom (an on-going issue).

On Monday he yelled in the lunch room.

On Tuesday he closed himself in a closet.

Today he ran during a fire drill again.

What are we going to do with this boy?? I think he's got ants in his pants and can't help himself. Or, he thinks he's entertaining. Who knows...

Medical Update

Today was a big day... we finalized our decision regarding a doctor team and got to meet with the medical oncologist. We are going to Roswell Park Cancer Institute. With the exception of the parking ramp, it seems like a very coordinated facility!!

Unfortunately all of the information from my biopsy isn't in yet so they can't finalize the type of chemo that I'll receive. We do know that the cancer is ER+ which means it is sensitive to estrogen so I'll be on a medication for 5 years after my active treatment ends. But we're still waiting on my HER2 status. There is another receptor that is also +, but I don't remember what that is called. From what I'm told, the HER2 status doesn't really matter except that it impacts the type of chemo I'll receive and if I'm + there will be a year of another infusion that I'll have to take. The end result will be the same either way... I will be just fine!

I still have more tests this week and next, but I am scheduled to have a port put in on the 23rd. I can't say I'm looking forward to that as it makes me feel like a machine. Basically they're putting in an outlet so they can plug me in.

Chemo, in whatever form it takes, will start on the 29th. Things are really moving now which is what I like. The anticipation is the worst part so far and I'm hoping the rest won't be much worse. Any bets on how long it will take before I tell Dan to shave my head?

So far so good. Keep the positive thoughts coming... we will kick this!!

The Crazies

Here I am at midnight and I'm still awake. Normally this is way past my bedtime, but I am completely alert at the moment. Tomorrow is going to be a really long day.

Unfortunately I got a little sidetracked on-line this evening and ended up in some really scary places. After freaking out a bit, I think I'm back to my happy place. It helps to have an overly rational husband who puts things really plainly and makes way too much sense. Sometimes it really ticks me off that he can be so right all the time. But most of the time I'm just thankful that I have him to remind me that everyone is different and reacts in their own way. I will not have every negative side effect that I've read about.

So on to the crazies. These are the thoughts that I have that I know are a bit nutty. For some reason even though I know that I'm not being rational, I can't help those thoughts that run through my head once in a while. Things like... I'll never be able to answer 'no' to every question at a new doctors office again... I've never liked my hair, but now that it may never be the same again I'm really sad... Is this happening because I don't recycle like I should... This is something I started "before cancer"... Did I hurt Ryan nursing with this thing inside me (I asked the doctor and he said no way)... Can people tell what is going on when I pass them in the store...

Luckily this doesn't happen often. Most of the time life is still really normal. And then I start worrying that it shouldn't be! I guess I expected myself to stop getting annoyed at the boys rolling all over each other, screeching at the top of their lungs and making a general mess of everything. Shouldn't I be enjoying every moment now that I'm having this "life changing experience"? I still don't like giving baths. Changing diapers is a drag. The oven needs a good clean and I still don't want to do it. Grocery shopping stinks. Both boys were in time out this weekend. Ryan was gated out of the kitchen after popping a squat on the dishwasher door! Aaaahhh!

This is going to sound terrible when they grow up and read this... I do love them both dearly and there were many fun moments this weekend as well. It was just so very normal.

The last week has felt like a year. How long is it going to feel like before we can get going with treatment? I can't believe I have to get through 7 more appointments before we can even think about starting anything. I need to start my countdown to the end. I want to know when to plan the party! Don't these doctors understand that I have zero patience? I have my sights set on the other side.

CT scan Tuesday night. Second opinion Wednesday afternoon. Something else on Friday, but I can't remember what. Then I have to meet with the medicine doctor, the genetic testing people, have an MRI and meet with the surgeon again. Goodness gracious! Just stick the needle in me and then cut it out already! I have a life to live.

... just ran the spell check and had no errors!! Woo Hoo! (I won't run it again because it won't like 'woo hoo')

Front Page News!

I have no idea how these things happen, but they always seem to happen to Tyler. Out of 5 Kindergarten classes at his school and multiple schools in the district, our boy ended up on the front page of our community paper! And, he's above the fold. Too funny!

The caption says: Headed to class: Our Town Elementary School Principal Blankity Blank greets Town kindergartner Tyler as he steps off the bus on the first day of school Tuesday. She used a puppy puppet to welcome the smaller, shier children.

Shier children?? Tyler? Hmmm. They'll learn soon...

Me

So here is the deal... I have invasive ductal carcinoma... temporarily!!

A couple of months ago I noticed a lump in my left breast just above the nipple. At the time I wasn't concerned because I thought I found a similar lump on the other side just smaller. I figured it was part of the nipple structure. Plus, it hadn't been that long since we stopped nursing so it could have been something residual. Right?? Wrong... very wrong.

About a month later I decided to call my gyn just to see what they'd say since my annual appointment isn't until October. I explained what I was thinking and was told to call back if it was still bothering me. Ok, I guess there is some validity to what I as thinking...

Fast forward to Saturday, August 28th. We had a great night at the drive-in, but I couldn't sleep even though we got home in the wee hours of the morning... this is very rare for me. I love my sleep! I decided that night (with Dan's insistence after being woken up at 2am) to call the doctor again.

Monday, August 30th I called and they squeezed me in that afternoon. Unfortunately my doctor was out that week so I saw another doctor in the practice. He told me that I did not have cancer because I wasn't in the right age bracket, it was round and it didn't hurt when he moved it, but it was big enough that it had to be removed so he sent me for a sonogram and a mammogram. He called it a fibroadenoma.

Off to the radiology place I went on Wednesday, September 1st. Imagine my surprise when the sonographer brought the doctor back in with her to do another sonogram for him to watch on the screen. I asked the doctor for his opinion and he told me that he didn't want to cause undue anxiety (um... too late!!). I told him that my doctor had told me I have a fibroadenoma. He said that it isn't a normal looking one if that is what it is and that they're usually less than 2 cm. I knew that mine measured 3 cm by 2.5 cm. Hmmm...

So, off to their other location the next day for a biopsy. It also happened to be my birthday... happy birthday to me!! A different doctor did the biopsy and once again I asked for his opinion. He told me that if he was 90% or more sure it wasn't cancer, he'd tell me. But, he wasn't... he just didn't know. He did say that it was not a typical benign mass.

At this point I was rather stressed. We went away for the weekend without hearing my results. I kept telling myself that the radiologist place was being cautious. The gyn wouldn't tell me I didn't have cancer if there was any chance that I did, right? There is no breast cancer in my immediate family so I couldn't have it, could I? Nope, no way.

On Tuesday, September 7th I watched Tyler get on the bus for his first day of Kindergarten. Then I went home and called my gyn for my results. They said they'd call me back. I hung around for a bit and then needed to get out of the house. Off to Walmart I went to print pictures with Ryan in tow. So this is how I happened to be in the checkout line at Walmart when I found out I have breast cancer.

I have to say that I was relieved when I got my diagnosis. It was better knowing than wondering. Now I could resolve myself to kick this thing. I have had some moments of tears since then, but mostly I am ok. In just a few days I've found out just how much support we have from family, friends and co-workers. That gives me the confidence, energy and drive to kick it. I have cancer, but it does NOT have me! I do not feel sorry for myself.

Today Dan and I went for our first appointment with a surgeon at Roswell Park Cancer Institute. I spoke to this doctor Wednesday evening. At that time he told me that he would recommend chemo with a lumpectomy at age 36 and a 3 cm cancer. This gave me time to digest before meeting with him officially. He confirmed his recommendation today although I still have a lot more tests to complete and I have to meet with other professionals before a formal plan will be in place. For now it sounds like I will receive chemo first before surgery. I will probably lose my hair. I don't have much anyway so this is minor. It will save me at least 10 minutes every morning!! And, now I have a very legitimate reason to go SHOPPING!!

We have a second opinion scheduled for next week along with more appointments at RPCI.

Crazy stuff, huh??!! I am all ears for positive energy and success stories. Give me six months and I'll add a success story to the list...

TEN YEARS!!

Where did the last ten years go?? We sure have accomplished a lot, but it doesn't feel like a whole decade has gone by. I guess time really does fly when you are having fun.

Here we are today, doubled in size and ready for another ten years!

Tyler took the pictures tonight. Maybe he can figure out how to use my camera because I sure can't!

Little Brother

Sometimes I forget that there is a lot going on in Ryan's little head. He really does understand everything that is going on around him.

He was with us this morning as Tyler boarded the bus. If it was tough on us, it was worse on Ryan, but I didn't realize it at the time. Poor kid.

As Ryan and I were running errands later in the morning a bus passed us. Ryan got very excited in the back seat pointing and yelling "Ty" over and over. He breaks my heart.

Later we were waiting for Tyler's bus to drop him back off. Another bus drove up and one of the teachers went out to greet it. I knew it wasn't Tyler's bus, but Ryan didn't. He ran after the teacher yelling "Ty" once again. The poor kid was crushed when Tyler didn't come off the bus. Luckily it wasn't much longer before Tyler's bus did arrive. Ryan was SO excited to see his Tyler.

Tyler had an "awesome" day, but he hasn't shared many other details. We'll give him a few days and hopefully more information will present itself.

After dinner Tyler requested some cartoons since it is raining outside. Before I could answer he told me that you could turn into zombie if you watched too many and went on to describe zombie symptoms. He asked again so I said ok figuring he deserved it after a great day at kindergarten (having forgotten about the zombies). Then he turned and asked me in all seriousness if I wanted him to turn into a zombie. After I explained that no, that isn't what I wanted and that is why I limit his TV time, he said "Grandma tried to turn me into a zombie!" Ha! I guess we'd better keep an eye on that Grandma!

Off He Goes

To KINDERGARTEN!!! Can you believe it?

Tyler woke up a bit rough this morning and I started to worry that it wasn't going to be a good day, but he recovered...

I am so proud of this boy. I didn't know what it meant for your heart to swell before this boy arrived.

Grandma W, this picture with teeth is for you!

Tyler will be picked up and dropped off at daycare so we had to make the trek over there for the bus this morning. Only 4 more years Ryan! (or maybe three... we don't know yet)

The bus arrived and Tyler went right to it without hesitation. And, he even remembered to stop for a picture.

One more please! (The shirt we picked out for his first day is a bit long, but he insisted on wearing it.)

Off he goes! And, I did not follow the bus... although I really wanted to. I did volunteer to help the kids get on the buses this afternoon just to see him that much sooner.

Right now he's probably sitting at his desk surrounded by new friends. I know he's going to do great. I can't wait to pick him up and hear all about it. Is it time yet??

Cleveland

We just returned from Cleveland. Why Cleveland?? Why not?! It is just a few hours down the road and it turns out there is more than enough to do.

We went to the science museum first and Ty got to see a real capsule that had been to space!

Ryan was drawn to the ball pit. He loved shooting the balls up into the bin hanging from the ceiling. I tried hard to focus on the fun he was having and not the cooties that must be having a party in that pit (yuck!!).

I loved this thing when I was little. Tyler thought it was pretty cool too.

This was the biggest bubble contraption ever. Poor Tyler... Ryan kept running up behind him and popping it. Oops! I guess that is what little brothers are for. Ryan was restrained in this picture.

Later that afternoon we went to the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame, but Ryan was cranky, I was tired and cameras weren't allowed so you'll be spared pictures.

The next day, yesterday, we went to the Cleveland Air Show. It was a picture perfect day.

It was so neat to see the planes with the city in the background. This city knows what to do with waterfront property!

Tyler fell in love with jet cars at an air show a couple of years ago. Unfortunately he didn't get to see one last year, but yesterday he was in for a treat. Check out the Jet Truck! Cool stuff!

The day wouldn't have been complete without Tyler in the cockpit of something...

There's nothing like a nap during an F18 demonstration!

I love this picture.

Daddy is such a good sport. Ryan thought this was hilarious! Over and over again...

The Blue Angels were the finale and put on a spectacular show.

How this happened in the middle of their performance is beyond me.

It was a great weekend with my 3 favorite people.

I'm ready for our next trip... we didn't make it to the zoo...

Drive-In

There are a few "must do" things every summer... soft ice cream, smores, and a drive-in movie! Well, it took all summer, but we finally made it to the drive-in the last Saturday in August. It was worth the wait and the long drive for a night with friends and family. Aunt Debbie, Uncle Tom, Liam and family joined us to see Toy Story 3.

This place was amazing. All sorts of food, bounce houses and movies all in one place. They actually have mini-golf, an arcade and a stage with all sorts of entertainment as well.

Here are the boys waiting patiently in line for their turn on the obstacle course bounce house... oh my, I am in serious trouble if this is a boy thing...


Wasn't it Tyler who refused to go down slides until he was four?? What happened?!? Yippy!!


After getting good and sweaty on the bounce houses, both boys jumped into Aunt Debbie and Uncle Tom's car. They do it up right! Blankets, pillows, and popcorn. What could be better?

Toy Story 3 was excellent so we decided to stay for the second feature. Everyone settled back down as the movie started. And then we heard "DESPICABLE ME!! I'VE BEEN WAITING MY WHOLE LIFE TO SEE THIS!!" Yup, Tyler strikes again. Unfortunately that was the best part about the second feature. But, overall, it was a great night and I'm already looking forward to the drive-in next summer!