No Surgery Today

So here I am, laying in a pre-op bed at Roswell all ready for the rod surgery to stabilize my hip…and it turns out that my femur is broken. I knew that the pain had gotten progressively worse, but there was no incident or sudden change so I did not anticipate hearing it was broken.  The X-ray tech probably knew as getting me into position for the scan was not pleasant for anyone.

Now they want to transfer me to another hospital to manage my pain until Wednesday when they will do a full hip replacement. Roswell isn’t set up for that surgery. Nothing is easy, is it?

I think I deserve something to go my way. And maybe it is? Maybe the other surgery wasn’t going to cut it so this is the right way to go?  In the meantime, the saga continues!!

One More Day

We’re almost there. In 24 hours, I’ll go to sleep knowing surgery is scheduled for the next day. Hopefully that will be the start of regaining my independence. 

I’m going in strong with the support of my family and friends. We’re 7 months into this thing and I continue to be amazed at those who reach out, offer help and generally lift my spirits. Thank you.

I hope this surgery will put me on the path to return the favor. I want to have people over and be able to make dinner. Or cookies. Or anything that doesn’t completely wipe me out. I need a nap after getting myself ready in the morning. Seriously.

One more day.

One More Week

I should be in surgery prep in 1 week. 7 more days to keep my hip/femur from breaking and 7 more days of pointless pain. I know I’ll be in pain after surgery, but that will be healing pain!

We just returned from a baseball tournament in Delaware. What a challenge that was to travel like this!! Dan thought ahead and bought be a transfer chair. I’m not sure what we would have done without it. He literally did everything I needed or wanted all weekend.

Sara, Mom and Ava came out too. They grabbed me early yesterday and I got to go on a wheelchair ‘hike.’ It was really nice to be outside. Sara got a good workout pushing me around!

Unfortunately we discovered that beach wheelchairs are nice in concept, but don’t work in reality. I did get to see the ocean, my toes were in the sand and I didn’t get dumped head first into the sand, so I was happy.

7 more days until I can hope to start my path to pain-free independence. I think spending 3 days in a wheelchair may have made my leg worse. The wheelchair was necessary and eased my pain while using it, but now that I’m home, I’m finding using the walker more difficult. Maybe I just need to more more? 7 more days.

I won’t be going to chemo tomorrow or next week due to surgery. That’ll be a nice break as long as it doesn’t last long. We need to keep attacking this thing. I want my life back.

A Week Alone

This week has been humbling. Dan and the boys left at 5am Monday morning and today is Sunday so they’ll be home this evening. 7 full days home alone.

Dan set me up so that I wouldn’t have to leave the first floor of the house. He filled the fridge/freezer with food, staged supplies from the basement in the hallway, moved my ‘office’ downstairs, etc. I’ve been bunking in Ryan’s room. It is rather comfortable!!

Work is the 1 thing I can do like a normal person so that kept me occupied during the day midweek and so far today. Friends stopped by with dinner or took me out 4 out of 5 weeknights with an offer for the 5th plus I canceled on plans last night as it was a chemo recovery day (Blech) and had more offers of help over the weekend. I have such a great group of people surrounding me. So blessed.

But, despite all that, my world feels so small. I can’t do all that I wish… All that I feel good enough to do besides this stupid hip issue. Mentally, I feel good and am clearheaded. I watched TV most of the day yesterday and am so done with that. The sun is shining, but the pool is out of reach. My usual escape is shopping and that’s too much. Boo! Dan probably won’t be happy with the online shopping I did this week for Ty’s dorm!!

And then I think of those who don’t have a Dan. How do they survive alone when it hurts to do the basics? I’ve fought the urge to leave my garbage and other discards around the house, but it would be so easy just to leave it there. I understand how that happens now. Do I clean it up and hurt while I do it or just leave it there? What if the boys weren’t coming home to unload the dishwasher, empty the garbage and do the laundry? Humbling.

All these musing… it leaves me appreciative. And determined to get my life back. I want to be a friend, mom, wife, daughter, sister…and not a drain on those around me. Thankfully nobody except me makes me feel that way.

Our Lucy is missing Dan too. I won’t let her lick me. She actually tried! I’m sure tonight will be quite the lick-fest!

A New Doctor

Recently, I received notification that my oncologist is moving to Florida. Just my luck!! But, yesterday I met my new oncologist and so far, I like him.

I’ve been in an incredible amount of pain and my old oncologist essentially told me there is nothing she can do except recommend surgery. No more radiation, no steroids, no different medicine. The new doctor gave me an injection of pain meds in the office and said he would consult with my surgeon about steroids for pain. He did agree that steroids wouldn’t fix the problem, but steroids could reduce the inflammation temporarily to get me through until surgery. So there’s hope!

He also explained two potential causes for the pain. First, it could be that treatment isn’t working and the cancer is growing. If that is the case, we’ll change treatment and he said there are lots of options. Second, treatment could be working and as the cancer cells die, there isn’t enough bone left to carry my weight. That makes sense especially since I started hurting after 2.5 rounds of chemo. So, I hope for the 2nd cause, but know there are options if it is the 1st.

Dan and the boys are in Ohio this week so I’m alone at home and getting through it. I’ve got friends stopping in to check on me and I’ve moved to the first floor. It does feel good to be somewhat independent.

Lots of hope!

Plugging Along

July is crazy busy. 2 baseball tournaments, the rifle national championship, college orientation…yikes!!

That makes July 31st the best day for surgery as there is nothing on the calendar for the first 3 weeks of August…if I can survive that long with this pain. It isn’t fair that I’m feeling really good except for my hip and that the hip is so bad that any sort of movement is exhausting. 3 more weeks. 

The plan is to put a rod in my femur and nails to hold it in place. I’m told it is minimally invasive and this will take the pressure off the bone, relieving me from this pain. It should also reduce my risk of fracture which is really high right now. So in the meantime, I’ve moved to the 1st floor of the house and am trying to stay sedentary. Unfortunately staying still isn’t one of my strengths!