Round Five - Continued

I seem to be surviving round five just fine. The overall off feeling that I had with the first four rounds is MUCH better. Now that I don't have it, I realize how horrible it made me feel. The most significant issue I'm having now is pain, but it is very manageable with ibuprofen. My hip bones hurt and my joints ache plus my skin doesn't feel quite right. Basically I feel like I'm 100 years old. Hopefully someday I'll actually get to experience 100 years old so I can do a proper comparison!!

Other minor inconveniences include not being able to sleep past 4:00am. I have no idea what that is all about. I am still tired and am experiencing eye strain, but that might be due to my early alarm clock rather than the effects of chemo. Grr!!

Pizza still doesn't taste good which is really tragic. My tongue feels like I burnt it except that I know I didn't. I'm not sure what it is about pizza that gives it a metallic taste. It could be the cheese because I had a grilled cheese sandwich yesterday that I didn't enjoy either. Whatever it is, I'm very upset about it... usually I can live on pizza.

I started having significant digestive issues on November 4th (yes TMI, but it is a fact... and significant enough to remember the start date so I'm sharing). Luckily that problem seems to have gotten better in the last 24 hours. What I don't understand is why I haven't lost more than a couple of pounds with this problem plus not being able to enjoy pizza!! What is the deal?? Could it be that ordering the largest sundae at Friendly's the other night has counteracted the only positive thing that could come out of this kind of problem? Oh, it was SO good... there was a small chocolate cake filled with hot fudge surrounded by coffee ice cream also topped with hot fudge, plus whipped cream and a cherry. I thoroughly enjoyed it and think that it needs to become a chemo eve ritual. Something to look forward to! Woo Hoo, chemo tomorrow so I get a sundae tonight!! There is something not quite right about that sentence, but you've got to enjoy whatever you can, right?? Thankfully Dan understands these things.

Mom and Dad have been here since Tuesday to get me through this round. I have enjoyed a wonderful Thanksgiving dinner that I didn't have to cook thanks to Mom, my Mom-in-law and her Mom-in-law! Yummy! I didn't have to do my laundry this week, or change many diapers, or give baths, or many other chores that my Mom took care of for me. They're leaving me today in good shape to get through this week. Thank you!

I forgot to mention that I had another MRI last Tuesday to measure the size of my tumor. Unfortunately it only shrank a bit, but the good news is that is did shrink. Personally I'm not overly worried about the size of it. I believe that Taxol is going to do its job and put me in great shape for my MINOR surgery in February... timed just right so we can sneak in a trip to the Great Wolf Lodge between chemo and surgery... I'm so excited!

We're 5/8ths done... only 3 more rounds to go!

First Snow

We went 271 days without snow!! And in the last 24 hours we got a whole 2 inches. Tyler was itching to build a snowman. But it was cold out there... good thing he's got an awesome Dad.

Dan spent a couple of hours playing with Ty in the snow after finding him alone in the driveway all dressed in his snow gear.... I wonder how that happened...




Instead of a snowman they built a race car. I know, it's shocking.

A quick design conference.

Ryan watched all the action from inside.

But, he really wanted to get out there, so...

This car was something by the time it was all done... 3 jet packs on the back, a grill on the front and even a cup holder! Welcome Winter!!

And a huge thank you to Daddy for giving a little boy a great day.

Round Five

Yesterday was round five... only 3 more rounds to go!! Happy dance!!

This was my first of a different kind of chemo called Taxol. It took 4 hours instead of 2 in the chemo chair because they gave me more pre-meds during the infusion to avoid allergic reactions. One of those pre-meds was benedryl which made me really sleepy. I had trouble sleeping during the infusion with all the lights and activity, but was able to get in a good nap at home. The effects of the benedryl seemed to wear off during the evening and I've been fine since. (except for being unable to sleep past 4:30am!!)

So far today I think all is well. But then again, day 2 has always been ok. I guess I need to get through Monday to really know if I'm going to tolerate this kind better.

For now, I'm looking forward to an awesome Thanksgiving dinner with my family. Mmmm...

Rockin' Ryan

Ryan is our dancer. He dances to commercials, he dances to toys that make noise, he dances in his crib, he dances on cue... and he's got rhythm. Here he is enjoying his birthday gift from Grandma and Grandpa C. Enjoy!

Yes, we have since removed the packaging.

Great News

Dan and I went for my genetic testing results this afternoon... which was negative for the BCRA1 and BCRA2 mutation. Yay!! This means the chances of recurrence are much less. Yahoo!

Pity Party

Everyone is allowed a pity party once in a while, right? Well, I am human and had my party this weekend... ok, well, Friday, Saturday, Monday and a little on the way in to work Tuesday morning... but I'm better now.


I guess I should be glad it took me so long to realize that this is a serious disease and has the potential to take away everything that is important to me. I know it won't. I know that I will be here for all of the boys' milestones. I know this cancer is not going to reoccur or become metastatic. I know this will be behind me before long. But, there is that tiny little voice that wonders... what if?


Just when I think I've recovered from my inner thoughts I hear the back door burst open and the sounds of laughter fill the house. Before long I'm covered by those two wonderful boys. And I am reminded of how much I have... and how much I have to lose.

What I also realize is that this isn't just my fight.

This morning on my way to work I was doing well. I had the radio on loud enough to just cover my thoughts, but then a commercial came on that station so I switched... and what song was playing?? Remember When by Alan Jackson. That song brought me to tears before all this nonsense. I think it should be banned from the radio waves so as not to catch anyone off guard!

My favorite lyrics in the song say "Remember when the sound of little feet was the music we danced to week to week / Brought back the love, we found trust / Vowed we'd never give it up / Remember when / Remember when thirty seemed so old / Now lookn' back it's just a steppin' stone / To where we are, where we've been / Said we'd do it all again / Remember when"

I do remember when. I remember the day Dan and I married... it is still the best day of my life. I remember the day that Tyler was born and the day that Ryan was born... each day a close second best. But it is the smaller things that are just as important to remember like Ryan's sweet little face asking "K Mommy?" after a grueling coughing fit. Or how Tyler knows when I need to hear "I love you." Those boys give the best hugs especially when the do it together. I remember how cute Tyler was running away from me at age two and how cute Ryan is now doing the same thing. Oh, and the laughter couldn't be better. And, I know it is a bad habit that I'm sure I'll regret soon enough, but Ryan now falls asleep in my bed. One boy in each arm is just about perfect. Why not since we have the same bedtime?? I have so much.

So what to do? I guess the realist in me knows that in the back of my mind cancer will be there always. But, I am determined that it won't run my life. If Dan thought I was a mad-woman before with all of the things I wanted to do with the boys... just wait. I will leave no adventure unturned and no picture untaken! This family is leaving cancer in the dust!! So there!

Owen's Baptism

Owen is a very special boy and today I was honored to be one of his Godparents.



Doesn't he just take your breath away? These pictures do not do his chubby cheeks justice. He is perfect. This family has some great genes!!

And his mommy must love him because she had his baptism outfit handmade from her wedding gown.

Daddy is pretty proud of his boy as he should be. (Get used to it Owen... I take a lot of pictures!!)

Beautiful mommy!

I was able to be at the baptism today after a rough few days because of my wonderful husband who knows that my mental health is just as important as my physical health (his words). He drove me out and back in one day. It was one long day, but totally worth it!! I am feeling mentally healthy.

Welcome to the family Owen! We are so happy to have you.

Hanging out with Great (ha!) Aunt Jeanie.

And, with Grandma and Grandpa.

While I had eyes only for Owen, today was a celebration of 3 cousins all born within days of each other. God Bless!

I am looking forward to knowing, supporting and loving this happy little boy for a very long time.

Round Four

The actual round is over, but I guess I can't say that this round is over until I get through the valley over the next few days. But, on Tuesday round four should officially be over and I'll be 50% done with chemo!! Woo Hoo! Yippy! Yay!

And, I'm still counting on the next four rounds treating me better than the first four... not that it has been that bad. I get really tired and have a general off feeling... oh, and I have no hair, but there is a part of me that is enjoying that part. I love being able to get ready quick! I have to remember to go sweater shopping before my hair grows back... no static!

The stamina of my family, friends and co-workers continues to amaze me. Aunt Jeanie is the official Card Queen... I've lost count of the number she has sent. Others are still sending cards, calling and e-mailing regularly. I'm impressed! I've got a casserole in the oven right now that was dropped off by a friend. My parents are here whenever I say the word. Not that I want anything like this to happen to anyone else, but I'm looking forward to being on the other side soon. And, I'm looking forward to people forgetting about me for a bit... you know, when the main topic of conversation goes back to the kids. :)

One day at a time and before we know it, this will be a memory.

Tyler Funny

Just a quick post to document Tyler's most recent words of wisdom...

Mom and Dad left yesterday after spending the week here taking care of me while Dan was out of town for work. I didn't have to do a thing all week... they dropped the boys off, picked them up, made dinner, went grocery shopping, did my laundry and my house is cleaner than it was before cancer!!

But, back to my story... they weren't gone more than 15 minutes when Tyler told me that Grandpa said he could have a piece of gum. I said no. Tyler responded with "Grandpa said I could and he's your dad so you have to follow his rules!"

I am in a world of trouble with this boy.

Two

Yes, it is true. Our baby turned two today. And this year will be known as the year of... ELMO!



We started with presents in the morning.

And then checking out the leaves.

Playing with Ty.

Finally it was time for the family to arrive to celebrate our little man.

Ryan decided he should taste test the frosting just to make sure it was good.

More presents in the evening.

Tissue paper is a lot of fun!

Time for bed!

I believe his favorite gift was the card from Grandma and Grandpa C. It was an Elmo card, of course, that sings happy birthday when you open it. Well, Ry took it to bed and I must have listened to that card at least 10 times... through the baby monitor!! Too funny!

Happy birthday to my happy baby!!

Halloween

It is a good thing the boys have two parents because this year Halloween was all on Daddy's shoulders!

Tyler had his first Halloween Parade at school. Dan took the day off and made sure he was there. He even got to go into Ty's classroom... yes, I am really jealous.

Check out his kindergarten class! Ty is in the front row with the mask on.



Then Daddy carved the pumpkin with the boys.

It wasn't very creative (my fault... I drew the face), but at least it got done before it was time to trick or treat!

And it was finally the big night. And it is a good thing that Daddy is a good sport, otherwise, there would not have been any trick or treating. Grandma and Grandpa W are visiting... we decided it was a lot more relaxing and warm at home.

Tyler wanted this costume last year, but I had the energy to subtly suggest over a few weeks that he wanted a costume without a mask that covered his whole face. When he asked for the same costume this year... I paused for a moment and then decided to just buy it. For those of you unfamiliar with boy things, this is Optimus Prime Transformer. The arm thingy which was the reason he wanted this particular costume didn't even make it to the first house. The mask lasted for one house. The chest lasted two house. Then he just looked like a kid wearing something odd. Oh well, he had a good time :)

With Ryan's Elmo obsession it didn't feel right to put him in anything else. He makes a very cute Elmo. And, Elmo collected a lot of candy!

BOO!