Round Three

Round three started out very efficiently which is wonderful for me. I arrived at my appointment 45 minutes early and they took me!! I was able to start the chemo drip 2 hours early at 10am and walked out at noon. Woo Hoo! I was actually in my office by 12:45pm.

After that, however, things haven't been so rosy. Thursday was ok, but yesterday I hit a wall. The exhaustion is just not fair. I arrived home from work at 4pm, went upstairs to bed and remained horizontal until 6:45am this morning... and only because Ryan woke up. My body still wants to sleep, but I've reached the point where it is painful to lay down. What a dilemma! Maybe after sitting up for a while I can lay down again.

For these last two rounds I've been giving myself my own booster shot. When the nurse did it the first time she did so around 11am. I've been doing it at 6:30am so I'm wondering if I wait a few hours I'll be able to make it through Friday without such a crash. We'll try that next time.

The good news is that I'm through 3 of 4 rounds of A/C and then I start my 4 rounds of Taxol. I'm still clinging to hope that Taxol will be easier than A/C although A/C really hasn't been that bad. Unfortunately my doctor told me that starting Taxol having come off of A/C may not be easier. And, she said that some people get severe aches and pains in the lower extremitites plus tingling in the fingers. I'm reminding myself of what Dan told me at the beginning of this process... I won't get every side effect!! And, I've been handling these rounds ok so there is no reason to think I won't continue to do so. Right??

The other good news is that mom and dad are heading back here tomorrow. They'll be here all week to help me with the house and the boys. Yay!

Tyler Lessons

Tyler has a way of having the exact opposite point of view from me. And, sometimes there are lessons to be learned.

Since Tyler's birth I have been concerned about his hair. It stuck straight up for the first year of his life and since then we've regularly been buzzing it off in an effort to manage it. I know that his crazy hair and out of control cowlicks came from me. I do feel badly about it and wonder how he'll handle it when he is an adult male.

Here is one of the more extreme pictures of Tyler as a baby. Talk about crazy hair!!



This truly was his natural look for a very long time.

Last Sunday Tyler was with me as I took Ryan for a haircut. As we were getting back in the car Tyler asked me if I knew what his favorite part of his hair was. Being that we had just shaved my head, I said "the fact that you have some?" Nope, he told me and pointed to the prominent cowlick on his forehead... "I like my spike!!" Who knew that he loved what I felt bad about. See, there really is something positive about everything. I'm letting my mommy guilt about his hair go for a while. I'm sure it will resurface in the teenage years when he decides his "spike" isn't so cool.

I tried to get a picture of Ty and his spike, but... well... you see what happened.

Should I be concerned? Does this three fingered pose mean something?

I wonder what he thinks of his crinkly ear...

Balder

It was obvious by the end of the day on Monday that the stubble had to go, so...

Crazy, huh?? The boys don't seem phased by it at all which is good because nothing on my head is so much more comfortable than any hat or scarf. Tyler did say that my head looks like a bowling ball! Then he told me that it feels like rubber.

My head is mostly round, but there is a dent along the top toward the front. I'll have to ask my mom if I fell when I was little. That might explain a few things.

I've discovered that there are many benefits to not having hair and want to list them for myself so that I can reference this when I get sick of it. In case you are curious, I do have hair on most of my body, but what I have is all I think I'll have for a while... once it is gone, it's gone!

1. I can shower, dress, brush my teeth, put on make-up and be out the door in 15 minutes!

2. No more hairspray haze all over the bathroom... ok, that one is for Dan.

3. Head rubs feel even better.

4. There is no such thing as a bad hair day.

5. There is no such thing as bed head :)

6. No expensive haircuts.

7. Other hair maintenance is no longer necessary.

On the other hand, there are some unexpected problems of being hairless in general.

1. A runny nose without nose hair is not a pleasant situation. YUCK!

2. There is such a thing as a stubble induced headache... and it hurts! Dan shaved my head again Monday night.

3. For some strange reason, Ryan is attracted to my head. On multiple occasions while laying on the couch, a cold and sometimes wet and/or sticky hand would smack me on the top of the head. He finds this humorous.

4. I am not used to my own look and have a tendency to surprise myself in the mirror.

Overall, it isn't that bad. I may be disappointed when it starts to grow back... probably not, but you never know!!

Bald

I thank God every minute of every day for my Dan. I knew before all this began that he was a special, but now I know he's nothing less than phenomenal. He knows me better than I know me and he's picked up the slack in a big way... doing laundry, putting the boys to bed, going to the grocery store, preparing us for winter, holding me up... literally ... and today I asked him to do more... he shaved my head. Love that man!!

Losing my hair little by little was devastating, but having it gone is not. I cried. Yesterday.

Today I'm relieved. The shed is over.




I didn't lose my hair in chunks... nope, it was an all over loss that was painful to look at in the mirror. Now I've got to get the lint brush out for my head. It is a lot easier losing stubble.

I'm not sure how I feel about my new head wear especially with glasses. There's a whole lot going on around my ears. I'm sure I'll figure out how to make it work, but at the moment it is all too much.

Maybe I'll have to get used to my contact lenses again.

And so we move on.

Choo Choo

Yesterday we took the beautiful drive through the leaves to ride on a steam train along with Grandma and Grandpa C as well as some good friends. I love the train, the whooshing of the steam and even the soot that lands all over. It truly felt like fall yesterday.



Tyler and Brad are 12 days apart in age and always have a blast together.

How did these two families end up with FOUR boys?? I wouldn't trade it for the world. Boy love is a special thing.

Tyler, Brad & Owen having fun by the tracks.

Even Ry Ry enjoyed himself, Elmo in hand every second of the day!

Ms. Kristen made sure today was special. She made awesome popcorn, caramel & cinnamon, and she remembered pennies for the tracks!! Here is our before shot.

And after! Check out the nose on this kid! I think it is getting bigger daily!

Of course we had to stop at Earl's on the way home. This place is an old-fashioned cash only type diner decked out in all sorts of country fair. Love it! We enjoyed fried chicken, meat loaf, and of course some of us had their famous berry pie! But not me, I had the largest piece of cheese cake I've ever seen... and I finished most of it. I was hurt, but it felt so good!

Here is Ryan putting the finishing touches on his vanilla ice cream. What a mess he made!

And, two more happy boys.

A great time was had by all. Poor Ryan fell asleep in the car on the way home. He woke up briefly as Dan set him on the couch, but he promptly fell back to sleep sitting up. Poor kid! Oh well, both Ryan and I slept from 7pm to 7am and it felt good!

Round Two

On Wednesday, October 13th I was at Roswell downtown bright and early. I have to say that the worst part of chemo day is getting my blood work done. I have horrible veins in my arms so they used my hand. Ouch!! They're considering using my port next time which is fine as long as it doesn't lengthen my day.

After the blood work I met with my wonderful medical oncologist who does her job too well. She found something near my neck/collarbone on the same side as my cancer. GULP! She really wasn't sure what it was so she got me in for an ultrasound right away. Thank goodness because I couldn't sit around wondering if this had spread. Luckily the radiologist couldn't find anything. There wasn't even a healthy lymph node let alone a swollen one. He checked me out good including a physical exam. He was able to find what my doctor found, but it wasn't anything abnormal. He thinks I've got some ridgy muscle in that area. PHEW!

Then I headed out to the chemo facility which is much closer to home. Dan met me there and got to experience the wonders of the chemo chair... it isn't that exciting. But, now he knows. I think I can handle it solo the next time.

On the way out of the chemo facility, I said something about my hair and Dan cracked his first cancer joke. He said that he thought he'd be the first one to go bald!! Ha! I was so surprised that I laughed out loud. Then yesterday after my shower he said it looked like chewbacca was showering at our house. Too funny! I'm glad he's finally relaxing a bit about this whole thing. We can't let it take over our lives. There is no black cloud over this family... we're doing just fine.

And, we got more good news on Thursday... The biopsy that they did on my other breast came back benign!! Yay!! It turns out I have a fibroadenoma on that side which is what we originally thought I had on the other. I don't know if I'll have to have that out yet, but in my "expert" opinion, I think it is small enough that we can hold on that. I think we've got enough going on right now.

Round two has been different from round one. I am more tired, but at the same time, I can't stay in bed after 5:30am. I don't think my body can lay down any more. I don't know if the fatigue is actually building or if it is that my mom isn't here to do all the small things that I'm trying to do. It isn't that I can't function, I'm just more tired. Hopefully after a weekend of rest I'll have more energy. Too bad I scheduled a fall foliage train ride this afternoon... :)

This week is genetic counseling and I meet with my surgical oncologist again. Hopefully I'll have a little better idea of what comes after chemo.

We are 25% through the 8 chemo treatments and 50% through my A/C rounds!! The last 4 rounds are a different kind of chemo, Taxol, and I've heard that it has less side effects (although the actual infusion is harder) so I'm looking forward to getting through these next 2. Every day is one day closer to DONE!

Thank you to all my family, friends and coworkers for your love, care and support. One of the benefits of cancer is finding out just how many people you have in your corner!! I hope you all know I love you all right back.

Round One - Day 14

Today marks the official last day of round one... on to round two tomorrow! Yay!

I'm really hoping that the side effects are similar to this round or better... rather than cumulative. But, I'll get what I get I suppose!

I was relieved this morning to see that my hair has started to shed. I've been really worried about it because I was told that it should have started by now. I kept wondering if my body was allowing the chemo to pass through me without doing the job it was supposed to do? No, the doctor didn't say that this could happen... it is just my own brain over-thinking things again. Then I'd tell myself it is because my hair is already, short, thin and fine so it wasn't heavy enough to fall out. Or, maybe it is fitting that my hair won't fall out because I don't like my hair. Yes, the crazies had started to take over. But, this morning I had a few hairs on my hand after washing my head, there were a few on my shoulder when I got out of the shower and a few came out while styling my hair. None of this is normal. I don't know if I've continued to shed today because I basically glue my hair on with hairspray daily!! We'll see if it continues tomorrow morning.

On to round two and the next step in kicking this thing. So far I'm winning.

Columbus Day

Today was Tyler's first holiday from school so I decided that was worth a day off of work! Woo Hoo! The weather wasn't as beautiful as yesterday, but any day with my boys is always a treat.

We headed out to The Great Pumpkin Farm with Tyler's friend Jack. his mom Kelly and his beautiful sister Mallory. This picture was taken by a www.buffalo.com photographer. We were "spotted!!"

It was "loads of fun!"

The boys had a great time together on the slides, the roller tube, the straw maze and carnival rides. Here they are on the tilt-a-whirl... all by themselves... thank goodness! Check out the pose... these are cool dudes!

Then they decided to play "I Got It." Too funny! Ty has a bit of bed head going on. Hmm... I guess I should brush what little hair he has in the morning. Maybe tomorrow.

The pumpkin cannon was way cool. Check this out...

The older boys were being a bit wacky in this picture... the next pictures got a little odd so we'll stick with this one. I think they were trying to strike a pose! Unfortunately or fortunately, depending on how you look at it, the older boys were having way too much fun for pictures today.

A quick height check.

Another height check... sort of.

Look at all these pumpkins!

I think this is as close as Tyler will ever get to feeding an animal... and only because he didn't have to actually tough anything.

Peek-a-boo!

Hanging in the wooden train.

That is one big pumpkin!

Too cute!

Now those are some pumpkins! There was a guy carving another one while we were there. Maybe we should try something other than the classic pumpkin this year... maybe not.

We had a great day! When is the next school holiday??

One Beautiful Day!

I love days like today. It was absolutely beautiful... blue skies, cool, sunny... the leaves are changing... perfect!

We got up early, picked up Aunt Donna and headed out to my favorite art show. Luckily they also have some slides for the boys.


Ryan is fearless. This slide is well above my head, but he didn't hesitate a bit about climbing up by himself. Weeee....


Tyler started a rock collection... again.

That's almost 40 pounds you've got there Aunt Donna! But, just look at the joy on Ryan's face! So worth it...

When we got home the family humored me for some pictures. I like this one except for Dan's chopped off head! Oops! We're going to have to try this picture again after I find a higher tripod. Ryan thought I was hilarious trying to get to the top before the camera took the pic. I really have to get that remote! And, check it out... I still have all my hair!

Unfortunately I didn't change my sneakers after the show this morning, but other than that I like this picture too.

The best part about today is that it isn't over yet! We still have a good hour or two left to be outside! Too bad I don't have the stuff to make smores.... hmmm...

Sneaky Sneaky

Dan and I were cleaning up in the kitchen this morning when we heard a burst of laughter from the back room. What in the world are those two doing?? Well, it seems that Tyler put a small hot wheels car by the chair and when Ryan was lured in, he jumped out to scare him. Tyler set a trap for his little brother!! Luckily Ryan is a good sport and thought it was hilarious.

And then they had to do it over and over again. The ensuing laughs weren't quite as boisterous as the first, but close enough.

Here's Ryan on his way to seek Ty out.

Found you!

Check this out. It has been a while since I've done a video and forgot that I shouldn't turn the camera! Oops! Well, you get the idea...

Round One - The Rest

Well, I found my bottom and it is the Monday after treatment... what a day that was! Since I wasn't sure how bad things were going to get, I went to work. Silly me!

I arrived in the parking lot and promptly took a car nap. After 20 minutes I pulled myself together and made it into my office. That is about as good as the day got. I felt like there was a heavy cloud over me all day. My tongue felt big in my mouth, my ears were plugged, I couldn't see quite straight and my shoes felt larger than normal too. I went home a little early, camped out on the couch until Dan made dinner and then went to bed at 7:20pm... before the boys!!

Yesterday was much better and was my first medicine free day! Woo Hoo! I still went to bed by 7:30pm, but that isn't a big deal. Maybe tonight I can stay up until 8:00pm... or maybe not. Who cares as long as I can function most of the day.

If I could make one request to the man upstairs, it would be for my bad day to arrive one day earlier. It would be so much more convenient! Maybe with the build up of medicine in my body that will happen. What would be unacceptable is to have my bad day to become more than one.

My hair is still holding tight!

Round One - Day Five

I was awake at 2:00am this morning convinced I could feel my hair follicles dying. So far my daily hair pull tests have produced no results, but I'm sure they'll be fruitful soon enough. We've got the clippers ready to go.

Right now I'm experiencing what I think are booster shot aches. I was told that some people feel like they've got the flu a day or two after the shot. I'm not sure that is how I would describe it. This is a weird skin ache and is mostly on my upper body around my arms, shoulders, neck and lower cheeks near my jaw. It isn't horrible... it is just there.

Food continues to be the key to my happiness. Too little results in an odd hazy feeling so to remedy that situation we hit Olive Garden tonight. I am delightfully full and feeling somewhat normal.

Today was my first day of zero scheduled medication. I did take one "as needed" nausea pill, but may not have had too if I had eaten sooner. Maybe tomorrow can be a pill free day. Hopefully each day from here forward will be a bit better than the last until Round Two. Fingers crossed!

Round One - Days 3 & 4

So far so good... yesterday was a mostly normal day. I think my problem the day before was the lack of decent food. I was so afraid I was going to get sick that I ate less and more blandly than normal. I think that kept my energy down so yesterday I ate much better and felt much better. I was tired after dinner... or maybe I just wanted to hunker down with the new quilt that Aunt Connie sent!! :) It is so cozy and I'm looking forward to spending a lot of quality time with it this winter. Love it, love it!!

Today is a good day so far. My head is a bit fuzzy, but that is not abnormal. My head is never quite right as most of you already know. It is also my first day without scheduled nausea medication and I haven't needed my "as needed" nausea medication yet. I did still get steroids today so maybe energy levels will be down tomorrow... or maybe not! And, I have no aches from my booster shot yesterday! I'd say life is good right now.

Off to have a great day!